Cherylcan's Blog

Life and Literature

My wrinkled map

The cribchronicles post on November 16 really made me think. I have been reflecting on the following ever since I read it:

“my map is a wrinkled thing, now, scribbled in the margins, torn in a few places. i keep revising it as i go. it got easier to use when i stopped thinking it had to look pretty… what does your map look like? what shapes it?”

My map is wrinkled, torn, well-used, and marked up by jerky paths. Kind of like one of my daughter’s assignments left in the bottom of her backpack for a few weeks, then pulled out and presented as the good copy. Sometimes I feel like an old paper, trying to look new and fresh. Why do I need to be new or fresh. Wrinkles impart experience, which leads to acceptance of life and love.

My career has been on hiatus for awhile now. I love what I am doing but it is a casual position that will be ending in January. The people I am surrounded by daily “feed my soul”. Now I have the foresight to avoid people who drain my energy or to say “No” when I really just want to stay at home with my family.  Love is really working for me . I have found a partner who gets me (as much as anyone can), and children who are loving, smart and supportive. Who could ask for more. I am finally participating in life not frantically trying to catch everything while missing the most important things along the way. It is very freeing but extremely scary to decide to leave security of a permanent position. This wrinkled, detour laden map, is taking me by the right path. I need to trust myself and follow. Such a hard thing to do when you are a dreamer, who wants to soar but is scared of heights.

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